About the Grant
An entirely imaginary award celebrating students who dream big—like studying invisible art or inventing polite time travel. Includes a lifetime supply of make-believe textbooks and one ceremonial golden nut. No real money. No paperwork. Just vibes.
Who Qualifies
Anyone with unmatched curiosity, mismatched socks, and the ability to name two fictional presidents. Applicants must also enjoy squirrels—or at least pretend to.
How to Apply
Applications for the Golden Squirrel Fellowship are open indefinitely—mostly because it’s fake. To “apply,” simply:
Write a 12-word haiku about your favorite imaginary subject.
Whisper it into the nearest oak tree.
Wait patiently for a squirrel to nod in approval.